Where Gary and company play Vampire: The Masquerade

[A group of my characters sits down to enjoy an evening of roleplaying in the dining hall of stately Warren Manor]

Gary Karkofsky AKA Merciless: Okay, everyone have they got their characters ready. I'm going to be playing a Tremere Anarch.

Mandy Karkofsky AKA Nighthuntress: Why am I not surprised? I'll be playing a Lasombra. They're the sexy darkness based Clan.

Cindy Wachkoski AKA Red Riding Hood: Wait, we're playing Vampire: The Masquerade? I thought we were playing Werewolf: The Apocalypse. I have my Fianna ready and everything. 

Gary: They're called Hart Wardens now.

Jane Doe: I find that name racist and offensive. Also, why are there no weredeer options? 

Emma O'Henry: I'm playing a Child of Gaia!

Lucien Drake: I am playing a Mokole.

Cindy: Who is she? Also, more importantly, who is the hot guy?

Emma: I'm Jane's friend.

Lucien: I'm Jane's boyfriend.

Gary: I invited the  guys from the United States of Monsters to play too. A few of the other worlds too.

Cindy: And you want the urban fantasy people to play World of Darkness? That's like inviting us to play MARVEL! 

Peter Stone: I'd like to play a True Brujah. 

Gary: I didn't approve of a True Brujah option.

Peter: They're the only guys with time powers.

Thoth: I thought we'd agreed to play sire and childe. I'm playing a Ministry vampire. I have a Tremere option too. 

Peter: I just feel Tremere don't feel very punk.

Thoth: Everything has to be punk with you.

Peter: Because it's a Gothic Punk game!

Agent G: I like this Technocracy option. Can I play a HIT Mark?

Ashley Morgan: I was hoping to play a Hunter option, originally Reckoning imbued please.

Alex Timons: I have my Order of Hermes pyromancer prepared. He's got Shifter Friendship as a merit.

Jane: Don't dude. Just don't.

Lucien: He means me, I think.

Ashley: You didn't mention your ex was going to be here, Alex.

Alex: Her boyfriend is here.

Agent G and Lucien: Yes. *beat* What?

Ashley: That makes it worse!

Jane: I'm going to go get snacks. Uh, anyone want anything other than a salt lick?

Cindy: Ten pounds of raw meat, please.

Emma: Ooo, me too!

Gary: Guys, we're playing Vampire.

John Henry Booth: I'm just saying that Call of Cthulhu is an option. Particularly the Pulp version.

Mercury: Yeah, fuck that shit, I want to be a Sorceress prostitute.

John: I don't think that's an option in Call of Cthulhu.

Mercury: Call of Cthulhu sucks! Everyone dies and goes insane. You only like it because the Keeper lets you cheat.

John: They do not! Okay, maybe a little. Can I play a shoggoth?

Cindy: If we're going to play Vampire, I'd like to be a Toreador. Just not one who sucks.

Gerald Pasteur: Toreador don't suck!

Cindy: Their only power is being pretty and I have that naturally!

Mandy: Maybe you can play a Gangrel.

Cindy: Oh, real fucking great idea. While Toreador have a flaw of staring at pretty things, Gangrel get animal features. I'll end up looking like a antlered freak after losing control a few times. No thank you. I'd rather play something like a weredeer.

Jane: HEY!

Cindy: Also, shouldn't Gary be a Malkavian? He's crazy as shit.

Gary: Malkavians are a misunderstood but I want Blood Sorcery more than I want to roleplay well.

Jacob Riverson: Are we sure we can't play D&D? I have a 30th level Necromancer Lich...

Gary: Seriously dude, no.

Regina Whitetremor: I sayeth that I shall play a Paladin and smite the forces of darkness with mine wrath!

Agent G: You could do a Celestial Choir mage or Gwydion Sidhe.

Gary: We're playing Vampire! No smiting. She can play a Ventrue.

Regina: I sayeth the only good undead is a finally dead undead! Except you, Jacob.

Jacob: *sighs*

Cindy: Seriously, no one would play Changeling: The Dreaming willingly.

Kerri: I have a Sluagh prepared! But this Wraith game intrigues me. Ooo, so does playing a Cappadocian. Can I play the last one in the Modern Nights?

Gary: Sure, Kerri. They're called the Hecata now.

Cindy: Oh, I see how it is, being the ST's sister and all.

Gary: It's a 5th Edition update!

Cindy: 5th Edition sucks!

Mandy: God, can we just play, please? We all know it's going to degenerate into a bunch of murder and mayhem in five minutes anyway.

Ashura: That's why I love to play. I, too, will be playing a Toreador.

Gary: We still have some players who haven't introduced their characters yet.

Arthur: I pick Ravnos Anarch.

Ashura: But darling, you are my child and thus among the pretty people!

Arthur: I have NEVER been among the pretty people.

Diabloman: I will play whatever you want me to play. It is a silly pasttime anyway. 

Gary: Ugh, this happens every time.

Cindy: Also, aren't you Storytelling? Why are you making a character? Is this just an excuse to cheat?

Gary: Uh...