This Book Is Full Of Spiders, Seriously Dude Don't Touch It review

 

    This is the best remake of The Thing I've read in years. No, seriously. The thing is, it's also the best zombie novel I've read since Ex-Heroes. I'd argue it's better than Ex-Heroes but said novel has superheroes, so I'm going to have to give it the edge. At heart, the sequel to John Dies At the End is a tremendously funny book which actually manages to make a lot of dead-horse (as in "beating a") zombie tropes better.

    TBIFOSSDDTI is less entertaining than the original John Dies At the End because it's a good deal more conventional. At no point do the heroes enter an alternate dimension ruled by a man-made supercomputer formed from meat where everyone is naked or defeat a bunch of demons with the power of rock and (testa)mints. It's hard to beat the staggering weirdnss of John Dies At The End.

 

    This book, instead, focuses on the much tamer issues of deconstructing both The Thing and your typical Zombie Apocalypse tropes. The Thing elements deal with the premise of an alien parasite eating into your brain, consuming you, and re-animating you as something else. The best-case scenario is you become a horribly obvious nightmare cannibal thing. The worst-case scenario? You become a nightmare cannibal thing fully capable of appearing as a normal person for an extended period.
 

    The psychological and physiological impact of all this is examined at length, surprisingly enough. It even manages to address what I thought about while watching the Thing, but the movie completely glossed over. Specifically, if The Thing converts everyone into a member of its race without even the people involved being aware of it, is it necessarily a bad thing? The book really went up in my estimation when it discussed this.
 

    Next, I loved the discussion of zombies and their role in the media. TBIFOSSDDTI points out that a lot of people are preparing for the zombie apocalypse either specifically (as a game) or as part of a general breakdown in society (militia types). It has nothing for scorn for the former when they try to apply these lessons to real life and even more so for the second group due to their lack of compassion.
 

    John and Dave are more or less unchanged from their previous appearance, sticking to the role of goof-ball and comically serious protagonist. Amy, however, has much more to do his time around. I can't say she really reads like a 'realistic woman' but John and Dave aren't exactly realistic men so that's a poor complaint. Instead, I found her entertaining and, by the end of the book, every bit as developed as the leads. I'm fond of several new characters introduced in the book as well with TJ and Doctor Tennet being amongst my favorites.
 

    TBIFOSSDDTI could do with a bit more of the series' trademark wackiness but it manages to tell a surprisingly effective and coherent monster story despite several absolutely absurd moments. 

    This isn't a spoiler but there is a moment when a villain terrifies his audience by using the visual metaphor of a honey bear. This is joined by, quite possibly, the bloodiest example of Darwin in action where a bunch of people slaughter each other because they're all carrying assault rifles in an enclosed space while thinking they're in a First Person Shooter. Oh, yes, and there's a gun that shoots beards.
 

    Yet, somehow, this is STILL more serious and less whacky than John Dies At the End. It's not a flaw, though, and I'll say that I very much enjoyed the book. 

9.5

John Dies at the End review

     This is the review of the book as opposed to the movie, which is available here. 

 

     John Dies At The End is a funny-funny book. It's also a work which could have used a tighter focus, a stronger single narrative, and a few other changes. Despite this, the book is a unique experience (in part due to its flaws). 

     The story, published by comic author Jason Pargin under the pseudonym David Wong, has a lot of first novel mistakes which help contribute to its autobiographical feel. Likewise, it's clear this book was published in a serialized form and the chapters were meant to be read individually like an old Pulp magazine as opposed to all at once. This just makes the book feel like it was written by a man out of his depth rather than a professional writer, which also helps the narrative.
 

     Still, the book sometimes feels like you're reading the writings of a man telling a long meandering story on the fly. No matter how interesting the story, you wish he'd get to the point. Many of the plots go nowhere and characters you think important are dropped unceremoniously.
 

     Fans of the movie will note only about a third of the book was used as the basis. The book has a great deal more in the way of enemies, plot, and characters. Frankly, I think the book should have been divided up a bit more or the movie too but both manage to stand on their own merits. In short, pick it up if you have the time.
 

     The premise for the book remains roughly the same: David Wong and his friend David Cheese have gained drug-derived supernatural abilities to see and comprehend the universe. Unfortunately, the universe is an infinitely scarier and surreal place than either of them could have imagined. There's monsters, demons, Shadowmen, ghosts, and Jamaican drug-dealers whose wares bestow psychic powers.

     A major subplot of the book which was excised for the movie is also the issue of identity. What makes us who we are when there's the ability to clone people, turn them into monsters, brainwash them, change their memories, and so on. Interestingly, the book provides a satisfactory answer and I'm inclined to cut it a lot of slack for this very reason alone.

     A character who strongly benefits from reading the original book as opposed to the movie is Amy. While regulated to the token love interest in the movie, she's significantly more proactive and interesting in the book. Which is surprising since she doesn't show up until halfway into the story. 

     Overall, I strongly recommend reading John Dies At The End in addition to watching the movie. It is a funny, satirical, scary, and occasionally even poignant story about two dudes finding themselves in a situation way above their pay grade (or anyone's pay grade for that matter). It's not perfect but it's an excellent work for a first novel.
 
8/10

John Dies at the End review

   This is a hard movie for me to review. The reason for this is due to an unlikely bit of circumstances which is unlikely to impact your average movie-goer. Basically, I thought of this exact same story premise twelve years ago in high school.My idea was for a Call of Cthulhu campaign I wanted to run but didn't have the players for. I thought Cthulhu was growing stale and it was difficult to convey to our modern jaded humorless generation what it was like to "go mad from the revelation."

     Many modern readers are atheists with the belief the universe doesn't care about us already, so Lovecraft's obsession with humanity having knowledge so terrible it would break your sanity seems a trifle odd. I say this as a Presbyterian, some people don't get it. It's not about god or innate meaning to the universe, it's about helplessness.

The dark and dangerous world of a...Chinese restaurant.

    The premise I went with was a variant on the one in this movie. That the universe is, by  itself, a terrifying place ruled by cosmic horrors beyond our comprehension. That nightmarish things happen around us on a daily basis. We just lack the mental capacity to perceive the monsters. If we ever were able to perceive them, their omnipresent nature would drive us completely mad.

    John Dies At The End takes this premise and plays it for comedy. Two twenty-something hipsters accidentally ingest something which gives them the ability to see past the illusions which protect the supernatural. The world is actually an infinitely stranger and more dangerous place than either of them ever imagined (which isn't that difficult since neither of them seem to be the sharpest tools in the shed).

    This description doesn't really illuminate how incredibly strange the movie is. From the start to the finish it functions on a surreal dream-logic which doesn't make any sense until the very end when it all starts making a twisted form of sense. I hesitate to reveal anything because that might remove you from the pure enjoyment to be had experiencing the movie's oddity for yourself.

Just one of the MANY weird places they go.

    The special effects in the movie are, for the most part, pretty good for the limited budget they had. It only falls down towards the end when they're forced to represent a creature which would have been taxing even on a much larger one. Likewise, some of the humor falls flat because it's a little too juvenile. Overall, though, I laughed throughout the entire movie and enjoyed its science-fiction premise.

    The acting in the movie is above passable, showing characters who are able to react to very strange circumstances with an understated horror. They're not particularly realistic characters but the enjoyment from watching slackers try and parse the unimaginable. It reminds me a bit of Supernatural's Winchester Brothers crossed with Clerks.

     I'm especially fond of Chase Williamson's performance as Dave. He gives an easy-going, almost stoned, performance which highlights the character's disassociated nature. Rob Mayes' performance as John is signifcantly more animated, showing him to be more "in" to the supernatural world. An almost unrecognizable Clancy Brown plays a hilarious Doctor Marconi, who is what would happen if your typical Lovecraft protagonist became a History-channel host.

    The movie isn't perfect. In addition to the failure of the special affects towards the end, some of the jokes fall flat. A little bit more editing and some rewrites could have made the movie a great deal tighter and more enjoyable. Still, I can't say it wasn't unenjoyable and I couldn't say what would have replaced the things I wasn't blown over by.

    Overall, I strongly recommend people check out John Dies At The End. It's a hilarious, surreal, and delightful experience that's probably the best thing to happen to horror since the Scream movies.

10/10